Sign Here, Please
by JustAnotherYaoiFan
Summary: -I AM SORRY BUT I WILL NOT BE CONTINUING THIS STORY- Inspired by 2foxxie4u on deviantart.
1. The Agreement

A/N This was inspired by 2foxxie4u on deviantart. Do not own.

By signing this agreement, I agree to never – under any circumstances – do or say anything described in this agreement ever again. So help me, Kingdom Hearts, as failing to abide by the rules will result in undesirable consequences.

1. I am not allowed to sing 'Fergalicious', especially not in front of Xigbar – any unforeseen consequences of the aforementioned act should be dealt with on my own.

2. I am also not allowed to call Xigbar 'Xigalicious'.

3. Zexion does not cut himself.

4. And we're not going to check if he does.

5. I am not allowed to hack into the main system and write stories about anyone in the Organization.

6. Even if I was just blogging.

7. I am not allowed to sing 'I Feel Pretty' while prancing about in a dress.

8. Even if I did look 'stunning' in one.

9. And yes, the aforementioned statement is meant to be sarcastic.

10. I am not allowed to organize a tea party just because I think tea parties are fun.

11. And no, they are not fun.

12. I am not allowed to say that they are fun either.

13. Vexen is not the long lost cousin of Mr. Freeze.

14. I am not allowed to make crack theories about how Roxas and Sora could have fucked with each other.

15. Even though some of them might be possible.

16. I am not allowed to get Zexion drunk, and then let Axel and Xigbar 'play' with him.

17. I am not supposed to join in either.

18. Lexeaus is not a pedophile, even if he looked like one.

19. Which he doesn't.

20. I am not pregnant with Vexen's love child.

21. I will never be pregnant with Vexen's love child.

22. Although we can't guarantee that.

23. Flowers cannot, and will never, grow out of Lexeaus's head.

24. Even if I 'pollinated' him.

25. I will not spy on Cloud and Sephiroth.

26. I won't put hidden cameras in their room either.

27. No matter how much I want to 'gather information'.

28. I am not allowed to say that the sun is 'hot', no matter which definition of 'hot' I'm referring to.

29. I shall not watch anymore episodes of 'Death Note Abridged'.

30. Nor will I quote them ever again.

31. And no, candies are not sexy.

32. 'As if' is Xigbar's catch phrase, I myself will be responsible if Xigbar ever hear me say it again.

33. 'Got it memorized' and 'Commit it to memory' is Axel's catch phrase. I am not allowed to say it, no matter how much I like it.

34. If I want a catch phrase, I should make one myself.

35. But 'Flower power' is not a suitable catch phrase.

36. Nor is 'I love the birds and the bees'.

37. I shall not say that DDR owns Guitar Hero.

38. It doesn't matter if Axel and Zexion agree with me.

39. Saix does not take drugs.

40. Nor is he Sailor Moon.

41. I am not allowed to refer Vexen as Deidara of Naruto, and myself as Sasori. It is wrong, very wrong.

42. It doesn't matter if Vexen has long blonde hair like Deidara.

43. It also doesn't matter if I argue that I top.

44. Because in truth, I don't.

45. If Demyx asks what 'top' and 'bottom' means, I shall tell him that it refers to bunk beds.

46. If Zexion kicks/punches/slaps me for calling him emo, raping him in return doesn't count as punishment.

47. I shall not dye Vexen's hair pink, no matter how tempting it is.

48. Saix is not Xemnas's puppy.

49. It doesn't matter if everyone else is saying it.

50. It sounds more irritating if I say it anyway.

51. I am not allowed to emphasize on 'birds' when I sing 'The Thunderbirds are Go!'

52. 'Pain' by Three Days Grace is not Zexion's theme song.

53. Zexion doesn't have a theme song to begin with.

54. And no, I am not allowed to create one for him.

55. I shall not kill anyone who calls me 'ugly'.

56. Trying to impress Heartless or Nobodies by stripping is not allowed.

57. Michael Jackson is not my lover.

58. Nor is he Zexion's lover.

59. I am not allowed to stalk Saix when he goes into Xemnas's office.

60. And no, they do not make out there.

61. I will not irritate Larxene when she's PMS-ing.

62. I am not allowed to go around and tell people how good it feels to fuck another guy.

63. No matter how true it is.

64. I will not steal Xigbar's Captain Crunch.

65. Even though Captain Crunch are delicious.

66. Humping random objects does not count as exercise, and thus I will not perform such things.

67. Especially in front of Vexen.

68. Even though he seems to like it.

69. When spring comes, I'm not allowed to fuck anyone I come across.

70. No matter how aroused I am.

71. I am not allowed to film how Zexion jacks off.

72. Neither am I allowed to post said videos on the internet.

73. Or sell them on ebay for money.

74. I will not rape Saix, no matter how sexy he is.

75. Xemnas is not Saix's 'sugar daddy'.

76. Ice-cream shall not be eaten off another person.

77. Same goes for whipped cream.

78. And chocolate.

79. I am not allowed to pilot the Gummi Ship.

80. No matter how tempting it may be.

81. I will not say any dirty jokes in front of Demyx.

82. Or explain what it means when he doesn't get it.

83. Watching hentai on the internet is prohibited.

84. Yaoi and Yuri are hentai too, no matter how much I argue.

85. Zexion does not get so desperate as to fuck a heartless.

86. We're not going to find out if he actually does.

87. I will not 'test' if Riku is on top or bottom.

88. According to our information, he tops Sora.

89. I am not supposed to find out if the aforementioned statement is true or not.

90. No one cares if I broke a nail.

91. Nor do they care if my hair is a mess.

92. Neither do they care if I've gained weight or loss weight.

93. My scythe is strictly for fighting purposes.

94. Using it to rape someone does not fall into the category of 'fighting'.

95. Same goes for my powers of summoning and controlling plants.

96. 'Just because' is not an answer.

97. It will never be, no matter how much I argue.

98. Organization XIII will not have their own TV program, no matter how much I beg.

99. Neither will they create a band.

100. Nor will they be pole dancers at a bar.

A/N Man, the lack of fonts kill. I wanted to put Marluxia's sig there, but there's no fonts! Grr, it looked so much better on Word. And yes, its Marluxia. It was an agreement letter written by Xemnas.


	2. Statement 3 & 4

A/N Do Not Own. Updated because I got a review. YAY A FREAKING REVIEW!! is happy

This is where the real story starts D

THIS was actually the main idea that came into my head when I read the one by 2foxxie4u. So yeah, you guys get a lemon now D

CRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKFORLACKOFBETTERWORDCRACKCRACK

Statement 3 & 4

3. Zexion does not cut himself.

4. And we're not going to check if he does.

CRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKFORLACKOFBETTERWORDCRACKCRACK

"I mean come on! Zexion – the emo kid, of course he cuts himself!" Marluxia screeched, ranting to a very, VERY irritated Vexen.

"Can't you just relax for a moment?" Vexen sighed, putting away the chemicals he needed for an experiment.

"How can I? I mean, Zexion actually DOES cut himself, they just don't know about it, that's all! I have to prove it to them once and for all!"

"And how are you actually going to do that?" Vexen rolled his eyes, opening a can of coke.

"Well, I'll just have to sneak into his room-- hey! Is that coke? I want it! Gimmeh!!" He slurred the last word, crawling over to Vexen.

"It's mine, get your own damn coke."

"B-but Vexxy!" Marluxia begged, pouting.

Vexen felt his eye twitch for a second, then began empting the whole can of coke onto Marluxia's head.

Marluxia screamed, hands digging into his now wet hair, "WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?"

"You wanted coke, so I gave it to you. Be thankful, I gave you the whole can of it," Vexen stated as a matter-of-factly. Before a very agonized Marluxia could pounce on him, he opened a portal, disappearing into the darkness.

"OOF!" Marluxia murmured as he landed on the floor, "That IDIOT!" He screeched, "MY HAIR! MY PERFECT PRETTY, PRETTY HAIR! HE'LL PAY FOR THIS!"

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"Marluxia, are you in there?" He knocked on the door – of course Marluxia was in there, who else would use the bathroom for 4 fucking hours!?

"GET THE FUCK AWAY!" came Marluxia's voice from the other side of the door.

Vexen blinked, "come on, I'm sorry, okay? It was just--"

"It was COKE. COKE, DAMN IT! Do you know what it could do to my hair!? MY PRECIOUS HAIR! It's all your fault!"

"Look I'm sorry--"

"I DON'T CARE!" Marluxia hollered, still washing his hair for the FOURTEENTH time that day. I mean, come on! Coke is filled with sugar and all that gross stuff! It's meant for drinking, not washing one's hair!

Vexen growled, opening a portal of darkness into the bathroom… you could practically hear Marluxia's high pitched scream echoing throughout Kingdom Hearts.

Somewhere in Hallow Bastion

"What the FUCK was that glass shattering scream?" Sora asked, covering his already bleeding ears.

Back to Castle Oblivion

"Vexen! Get out NOW! I mean it, you stupid dumb--"

"Oh gosh Marluxia, your hair looks GORGEOUS today, who did it for you?"

"…Wha? You mean, it looks fine?"

"Fine? It looks absolutely FABULOUS." _Kingdom Hearts bless me; I swear I will never say the word fabulous ever again._

A small hint of a smile crept onto Marluxia's features, "Well, you still have to repay me for pouring coke onto my head."

"And how may I, specifically, repay you?" Vexen smirked, walking closer to Marluxia.

Marluxia responded by flinging his arms around Vexen's neck – completely forgetting that he was in the mist of bathing – and their lips met.

It was gentle and soothing at first, then Vexen licked Marluxia's bottom lip, begging for entrance. When Marluxia didn't allow him in straight away, he bit onto Marluxia's lip, drawing blood.

Marluxia whimpered, and Vexen quickly took the opportunity to slide his tongue into Marluxia's moist cavern.

Marluxia tilted his head at an angle, deepening the kiss further as Vexen's hand slid up and down Marluxia's body, filling him up.

The lack of air finally made them pull away, leaving them panting and gasping.

"Lean over the basin," Vexen ordered, flipping Marluxia over so that his back was facing him.

Marluxia winced at the rough treatment, but immediately leant over. After all, he didn't want to be kept waiting too long either.

Vexen quickly threw off his clothes onto a corner, beginning to slowly coat his fingers with saliva.

"Hurry up," Marluxia groaned, turning around to glare at Vexen.

"Patience, Marluxia, patience," Vexen snickered, purposely slowing down a little more.

Marluxia pouted, ripping Vexen's fingers out of his mouth, then placing them inside his own, licking fast, hungry, _desperate._

After making sure that all three digits were coated well, he pulled them out of his mouth, resuming his previous position at the basin.

Vexen immediately shoved two fingers in as Marluxia winced at the pain. Slowly adding a third finger in, he paused a while to let Marluxia get used to the pain.

He paused a little while more, before pulling them out, positioning himself at Marluxia's entrance. Without warning, he thrust in, a sharp cry of pain tore itself from Marluxia's throat.

He began thrusting in and out, aiming to find that one spot that'll make Marluxia cry out with pleasure.

A loud moan escaped Marluxia's lips, and Vexen knew he found what he'd been looking for.

Marluxia's moans and screams became more frequent as each of Vexen's well aimed thrust drove him closer to the edge.

"T-Touch me, for Kami's sake!" Marluxia moaned, rocking his hips to meet each of Vexen's thrust.

Vexen grunted, moving his hands to pump Marluxia in time with his thrusts.

Not long after, Marluxia climaxed screaming Vexen's name, that alone caused Vexen to go over the edge as well, coming deep inside Marluxia.

The both of them stayed like that for a while, Vexen holding on to Marluxia's hips to prevent him from falling.

"Apology accepted," Marluxia murmured, placing a chaste kiss on Vexen's lips, "But don't ever, ever, pour coke on my hair again."

Vexen nodded, "I love you."

"Love you too."

In Larxene's room

"I KNEW PUTTING HIDDEN CAMERAS IN THE BATHROOM WAS A GOOD IDEA!"

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A/N I don't know what to say… this was a roleplay between me and my friend. So yay for abusing the English language. And LOL at the half assed smut scene. I swear I can write better… D


	3. The Birth Of Veluxia

A/N I finally continued this. I'm sorry it took so long! -jumps down a building- gomen minna-san! But don't I deserve a cookie for actually updating this? xD Anyways, R&R please! PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I BEG YOU!

Disclaimer : If I owned Kingdom Hearts, Orgy XIII wouldn't have died and Marluxia would, undoubtably, be pregnant.

* * *

The sun was slowly creeping over the horizon, lighting up the world once more, everything was peaceful--

"OH MY GOD!"

--Except for the Organization.

"VEXEN, VEXEN, WAKE UP, I GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING!"

"…What the fuck…? It's six in the morning, what the heck do you want to tell me that is so damn important that you can't save it for later?" Vexen growled, throwing a pillow at XI out of annoyance.

"NUH-UH! It's VERY important!" Marluxia dodged the pillow that was thrown at him, "I think I'm PREGNANT!" he announced in an all too cheery manner.

"…Wha? Oh God, don't tell me it's April fool's day already!" Vexen slapped himself on the forehead, grumbling under his breath.

"NO! THAT'S NOT IT! I'M TELLING YOU ITS THE--" Marluxia glared at Vexen who was already going back to dreamland, "WAKE UP!"

"No seriously, this is getting irritating. I mean, I don't get it. What's his problem anyway?" Vexen grumbled, pouring some chemical into a test tube.

"Why can't you consider that he's telling the truth?" VI replied, "I don't think he'd lie to you."

"Oh please, it's not the first time he told me he was pregnant. Heck, the previous time was fake… and so was the previous one… and the previous--"

"Okay okay, I get it," Zexion interrupted, "Maybe--"

"Hey Vexy Look what I found, look, look!!" Marluxia stumbled into the laboratory, clutching something in his hand. He walked past Zexion, hearing him mumble something about speaking of the devil.

Vexen blinked, then twitched, "What are you doing in my lab?! That's it! I'm sick of your jokes and constant whimpering! I tolerated all your shit and-- XI? Are you alright?"

Marluxia's bottom lip started quivering, a few sobs escaping past his lips, his eyes watered and then, "Oh, so now it's my fault?" He started slamming his fist on the table filled with beakers and test tubes, "I found a very rare flower and I only wanted to share it with you," he threw the flower on the floor, "Why do you do this to me? Don't you love me anymore?" Tears started pouring out and he began to sob uncontrollably, "What, you're tired of me already? Then m-maybe ZEXION is your new lover huh?" He pointed an accusing finger in Zexion's direction, "So you're s-sleeping w-w-with HIM now?" Marluxia stumbled onto the floor, curling up in a fetal position, sobbing onto his knees.

"What the hell is wrong with him?" Zexion mumbled, "Me? With Vexen? Get real. Vexen's just an ugly old--" A glare from Vexen silenced him.

"Marluxia? Look…I'm not sleeping with Zexion. You're the only one I'd ever be with, you know that. I'm sorry I--"

"Really?" Marluxia immediately jumped up, smiling widely.

"Y-Yeah," Vexen stuttered, shocked at the rapid change in Marluxia's mood.

Marluxia giggled, skipping over to Vexen, placing a chaste kiss on his lips, "I love you too, Vexy" With that, he teleported off.

Zexion stared at the place where the portal had been for a while, then suddenly burst out laughing, "He has freaking mood swings. You see, I told you he wasn't lying!"

* * *

XI was in the kitchen, raiding the fridge of its supplies. He took a slice of bread, covering it with the mayonnaise he found idling inside the oven. Then, he chopped an apple into various shapes and threw it onto the bread too. He went to the fridge again, finding a bottle of cold water in it. Without thinking, he poured it into a bowl and tossed the slice of bread inside.

He waited for exactly 5 minutes before taking the bread out, it felt soft and soggy, and it smelled weird. Though, he didn't mind, sinking his teeth into the monster of a bread.

Xemnas walked into the kitchen just as Marluxia had eaten the bread half way. He glanced at XI's direction, then saw that he was eating something, "May I ask, what exactly are you eating?"

"Bread with mayonnaise, apples, and plain water."

"E-Excuse me?" Xemnas asked again, he was sure he had heard it wrongly.

"I said, bread, mayonnaise, apples, and plain water. Man, you really need to go for a check-up superior, your sense of hearing is deterring."

Xemnas immediately rushed to the toilet, the sound of him vomiting caused Marluxia to blink. _Superior must be eating too much…Maybe I should finish everything in the fridge so that we wouldn't have to worry about him over-eating anymore._

* * *

The superior immediately –after he vomited- called everyone –except XI- for a meeting as he was concerned for Marluxia's well-being. "Do you guys think Marluxia is sick?" Xemnas said, a hint of disgust lingering in his voice.

"What? XI's sick? Do you think it's contagious?"

"You should be more concerned for XI rather than yourself."

"I second that."

"Whatever."

A nervous cough from Vexen, "XI isn't sick, he's just… err… just…"

"Just _what?_" Xemnas demanded, glaring at Vexen.

Zexion couldn't control his laughter anymore, he toppled down from his chair, clutching his stomach, laughing and rolling on the floor.

Everyone exchanged glances for a while. "I thought he was suppose to be emo. Emos don't laugh," Larxene whispered to Saix. "No, in fact, it's the exact opposite. Emo means that the person is over emotional, which can also be called as mood swings," VII replied. "Oh, so you mean when a girl has mood swings she's _emo?! _Do not put me in the same group as that freak!"

"Stop it, both of you," Xemnas said, effectively stopping the two from quarelling.

When Zexion regained his breath, he slowly stood up, clearing his throat as a matter-of-factly. He then sat down delicately, regaining his composure; Vexen could have swore he saw dark clouds of doom hovering above Zexion's head. VI cleared his throat again then spoke, "Marluxia is pregnant."

Xemnas fainted on the spot.


	4. PLEASE READ THIS

Hey guys. To everyone that read my stuff and liked it, I will no longer be updating here, but on my site specially for publishing my stories.

.com/

You can find some of my old stories from here, and other new ones I did over the years. Be patient though, this is a new site I created 2 days ago.

I want to thank you guys for reading and reviewing my stories. Your support has gotten me to continue my passion for writing. I love you guys. 3 


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